so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
