He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
