so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
