my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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