I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
