D3 body, D1 cock
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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