We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
