a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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