He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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