Are we in a gay sports bar?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
