Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
