It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it glows. i had to have it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
