so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
