Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
