what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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