nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize