Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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