i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
