How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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