I think im going to throw up on grandma
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
