The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
