So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
