At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
