whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize