just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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