So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
