The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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