Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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