Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
