Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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