I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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