It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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