wrigley field is MILF paradise
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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