I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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