Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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