woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
