This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize