You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
