I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
