if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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