So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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