you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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