honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
