Small penises have feelings too.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
