worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
