i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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