Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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