Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I will pee on everything he values.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
