if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
