Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
