he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
