she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize