if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
