so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
