evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
