I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
