And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
