Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I love you.
Bad choice
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