Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
