Old men and throwing up are my life now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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