In the future we'll all be gay
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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