he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
