She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
did you just send me my own nude
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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