Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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