im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
