the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize