so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
