These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
