i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My vagina is very pro this idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
