but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
