My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
