Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who died my cat blue again?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize