chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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