Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
