im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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